recovery in Christ when life is broken

Four Threads of True Repentance

On January 19, 2015, I found myself sitting on an airplane finally ready to confess my sin. For 7 years, I had been stuck in the world of gambling. Worse still yet, I had been stealing money from my company in order to help fund my destructive behavior. Seemingly, the longer I hid my sin, the more I felt like I was dying on the inside.

It was on that plane ride home I knew it was time to repent. I had been a believer in Christ for a long time, but I had clearly lost my way. By God’s grace, I began the path of repentance that day. And I have been walking that way ever since. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been beautiful and freeing.

I call repentance a ‘path’ because it’s not just a single act in a moment of time, but rather it is a new way to live the rest of your life. There can be a lot involved with repentance. It looks different for each person, struggle, and situation. But I do believe there is a common thread of behavior found in truly repentant souls.

 

Thread #1: Confession of Sin to Another Human Being

I once thought confession was punishment, something meant to embarrass me in front of other people. But after struggling against my sin for almost a decade, unable to defeat it on my own in silent isolation, I learned confession was not punishment. 

Confession is a gift. Confession is the only way out from the confinement of our sin.

If we are followers of Christ, we are already forgiven for our sin. But sin can still control us, which is why we must confess it to another human being. We confess to one another not to embarrass ourselves, but so that we may be healed (James 5:16). It’s the first step to get help. It’s the first step of repentance.

 

Thread #2: Follow Christ Fully

The goal of repentance is to not just stop sinning. Don’t get me wrong. We are to rid ourselves of sin and flee lusts (Romans 8:13, 2 Timothy 2:22).  

But the real goal of repentance is to begin following Christ fully. We do this by reading his words in the Bible. We find a church and get connected to other believers. We look for ways to serve others.

Following Christ fully leads us to a life filled with faith, love, righteousness, and gentleness (1 Timothy 6:11). That’s a full life. And even when we mess up (which we still will), we go back and confess quickly.

 

Thread #3: Seek Forgiveness and Make Amends

I have a friend that is an aspiring theologian. We once lamented there was no such doctrine in Christianity as “unsin.” But alas, you simply can’t take back something you’ve done wrong. You can’t undo the pain caused. Just as physical wounds must be well treated or else they don’t heal correctly over time, so too for pain caused by our sin. We must faithfully deal with (or treat) the wounds our sin has caused.

We do this by seeking forgiveness and making amends for our sin.

So how did I faithfully deal with my sin? I looked people in the eyes whom I harmed and asked for forgiveness. I paid back the money I stole. To this day, I try to honor their grace toward me and Christ’s grace to me by living in a manner worthy of how I have been loved and forgiven.

You see time does not heal all wounds. But, time plus obedience and faithfulness can heal wounds.

 

Thread #4: Boldly Testifying to Christ’s Grace

Ultimately, those who have experienced the grace of Christ in all its fullness cannot help but tell others. They must share. They cannot help but scream Christ’s love from the rooftops.

Repentant souls go and strengthen their brothers and sisters (Luke 22:32). They teach other sinners about the grace of God (Psalm 51:13). They use every opportunity to remind others of their weakness because it points to the strength of their Savior (2 Corinthians 12:9).

 

Conclusion

If you are a follower of Christ, be comforted in knowing that this path of repentance has been walked by countless others. It’s not always easy, but it is beautiful and freeing.

If you’re not a follower of Christ, I encourage you today to take the ultimate step of faith (and repentance) by trusting Him and His provision for your sin on the cross. Only He can redeem and reconcile your past. Only He can resurrect that which sin has killed in your life. True repentance cannot be found apart from Christ.

I hope to see you on the path with me. I’m for sure not done walking it. I’m just 669 days into my journey of repentance.

So let’s press on together.

-Jeff P. 

Why I Can’t Forgive Myself

 

“I knew better. How could I have acted so foolishly? I can’t believe that I would stoop so low. I’m better than that. I don’t deserve to go on. I’m not worth forgiving. I’m worthless.”

Have you ever said one of these things to yourself? I have. Maybe you say some of these things to yourself every day, suffocating from guilt and shame because of a sin or mistake. Or maybe you spend your days obsessing about how to overcome the past, desperately searching for a way to somehow “forgive yourself.”

“Forgiving yourself” is common terminology used to describe self-release of personal guilt and shame. You don’t have to go far in recovery circles to hear someone say, “I know that God forgives me, and the person I’ve hurt forgave me, but I just can’t forgive myself.” Many books have been written on the subject. Even medical websites carry articles about the importance of self-forgiveness. The problem is that self-forgiveness is not a concept rooted in biblical truth.

If you think about it, no one in society has the authority to forgive themselves for something that they have done wrong. Teenagers can’t “un-ground” themselves. Prisoners can’t declare themselves forgiven and walk out of prison. People in a debt crisis can’t forgive themselves the remainder of what they owe. In all instances, we need a higher authority to pardon us or to declare that the debt from the sin is “paid in full.” Come to think of it, if we could forgive ourselves, we wouldn’t need Jesus.

But some of this confusion is semantics. When a Christian says, “I cannot forgive myself,” it usually means he is mistakenly holding on to guilt and shame for sins already paid for by Christ. He is struggling to truly accept Christ’s ransom for his soul as the lens through which he views himself.

God didn’t excuse sin, Jesus paid the debt of sin for us. Christ paid the debt of sin in full with his own blood, being nailed to a cross, so that he could offer forgiveness as a gift. Those who receive the gift are declared sons and daughters by God, forgiven, clean, righteous.

“And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.” (Colossians 2:13-14)

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

 

A continual struggle with guilt and Shame is often rooted in one of these reasons:
  • Pride. Pride whispers, “I cannot believe I would stoop so low. I am above that sin.” Pride struggles to accept God’s charity; it wants to earn back God’s grace (an undeserved gift). A prideful person wants to think well of (or lift up) his or her sinful human nature.
  • Idolatry. God’s word is not authoritative for the person. He or she believes another claim more than God’s declaration of forgiveness (Satan’s lies, the accusations of someone they offended, a parent's voice, or his or her own thoughts and feelings).
  • Low self-worth or misplaced identity. When thoughts such as “I do not deserve forgiveness” or “I am not worthy of forgiveness” lead someone to feel guilt or shame instead of gratitude to Christ, he or she is seeking value and identity apart from Jesus. God claimed our lives as valuable to him through Jesus’ blood. There is no greater cost that the Father could offer than the life of the Son to purchase your soul. Christ’s ransom (not our own self-worth or merit) defines your true value and identity.
  • The person may not yet be saved from sin. He or she has not truly believed and received Christ’s sacrifice as the only payment that satisfies the total cost of sin. If someone has not accepted Christ’s sacrifice as the payment for his or her sin, God may be convicting that person of his or her guilt so that the person may turn to Christ and be saved from hell.

 

The truth is that we are all great sinners by nature, unable to overcome sin. We are capable of great evil. It is because of God’s great love for us that He offers forgiveness as a gift. God reclaims those who accept Christ’s undeserved, unearned gift and calls them forgiven, righteous children.

If you have accepted Christ, but continue to struggle with guilt and shame, pray first. Thank God for His complete forgiveness of all of your sin. Thank Him for seeing you as valuable enough to ransom your soul through the Son. Thank Him for naming you as clean, forgiven, righteous, and a son or daughter of God. Confess any pride. Confess if you have allowed something other Christ’s sacrifice to define your worth. Ask God to renew your heart and mind so that you see yourself through the lens of His word. Then, memorize scripture that claims who you are in Christ; your feelings will often follow your mind as you remind yourself of these truths. 1 Corinthians 6:11 and Psalm 103:12 are two great verses to write on your heart.

“Forgiving yourself” will never free you from guilt and shame. You receive freedom from guilt and shame when you accept Christ as Savior, trust that God’s claims upon your soul and identity are true, and allow His claims to define your life.

 

- Nate G.

recovery in Christ when life is broken.