recovery in Christ when life is broken

Showing items filed under “August 2016”

Why I Can’t Forgive Myself

 

“I knew better. How could I have acted so foolishly? I can’t believe that I would stoop so low. I’m better than that. I don’t deserve to go on. I’m not worth forgiving. I’m worthless.”

Have you ever said one of these things to yourself? I have. Maybe you say some of these things to yourself every day, suffocating from guilt and shame because of a sin or mistake. Or maybe you spend your days obsessing about how to overcome the past, desperately searching for a way to somehow “forgive yourself.”

“Forgiving yourself” is common terminology used to describe self-release of personal guilt and shame. You don’t have to go far in recovery circles to hear someone say, “I know that God forgives me, and the person I’ve hurt forgave me, but I just can’t forgive myself.” Many books have been written on the subject. Even medical websites carry articles about the importance of self-forgiveness. The problem is that self-forgiveness is not a concept rooted in biblical truth.

If you think about it, no one in society has the authority to forgive themselves for something that they have done wrong. Teenagers can’t “un-ground” themselves. Prisoners can’t declare themselves forgiven and walk out of prison. People in a debt crisis can’t forgive themselves the remainder of what they owe. In all instances, we need a higher authority to pardon us or to declare that the debt from the sin is “paid in full.” Come to think of it, if we could forgive ourselves, we wouldn’t need Jesus.

But some of this confusion is semantics. When a Christian says, “I cannot forgive myself,” it usually means he is mistakenly holding on to guilt and shame for sins already paid for by Christ. He is struggling to truly accept Christ’s ransom for his soul as the lens through which he views himself.

God didn’t excuse sin, Jesus paid the debt of sin for us. Christ paid the debt of sin in full with his own blood, being nailed to a cross, so that he could offer forgiveness as a gift. Those who receive the gift are declared sons and daughters by God, forgiven, clean, righteous.

“And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.” (Colossians 2:13-14)

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

 

A continual struggle with guilt and Shame is often rooted in one of these reasons:
  • Pride. Pride whispers, “I cannot believe I would stoop so low. I am above that sin.” Pride struggles to accept God’s charity; it wants to earn back God’s grace (an undeserved gift). A prideful person wants to think well of (or lift up) his or her sinful human nature.
  • Idolatry. God’s word is not authoritative for the person. He or she believes another claim more than God’s declaration of forgiveness (Satan’s lies, the accusations of someone they offended, a parent's voice, or his or her own thoughts and feelings).
  • Low self-worth or misplaced identity. When thoughts such as “I do not deserve forgiveness” or “I am not worthy of forgiveness” lead someone to feel guilt or shame instead of gratitude to Christ, he or she is seeking value and identity apart from Jesus. God claimed our lives as valuable to him through Jesus’ blood. There is no greater cost that the Father could offer than the life of the Son to purchase your soul. Christ’s ransom (not our own self-worth or merit) defines your true value and identity.
  • The person may not yet be saved from sin. He or she has not truly believed and received Christ’s sacrifice as the only payment that satisfies the total cost of sin. If someone has not accepted Christ’s sacrifice as the payment for his or her sin, God may be convicting that person of his or her guilt so that the person may turn to Christ and be saved from hell.

 

The truth is that we are all great sinners by nature, unable to overcome sin. We are capable of great evil. It is because of God’s great love for us that He offers forgiveness as a gift. God reclaims those who accept Christ’s undeserved, unearned gift and calls them forgiven, righteous children.

If you have accepted Christ, but continue to struggle with guilt and shame, pray first. Thank God for His complete forgiveness of all of your sin. Thank Him for seeing you as valuable enough to ransom your soul through the Son. Thank Him for naming you as clean, forgiven, righteous, and a son or daughter of God. Confess any pride. Confess if you have allowed something other Christ’s sacrifice to define your worth. Ask God to renew your heart and mind so that you see yourself through the lens of His word. Then, memorize scripture that claims who you are in Christ; your feelings will often follow your mind as you remind yourself of these truths. 1 Corinthians 6:11 and Psalm 103:12 are two great verses to write on your heart.

“Forgiving yourself” will never free you from guilt and shame. You receive freedom from guilt and shame when you accept Christ as Savior, trust that God’s claims upon your soul and identity are true, and allow His claims to define your life.

 

- Nate G.

Do Rehabs Work?

When I was asked to write on this subject, I had mixed emotions. Then, I thought, “Well, I do have a lot to write on that subject. I have been to seven treatment centers!” 

 

My Past:

I didn’t come from a broken home. Though my parents did not teach me the ways of the Lord, they were certainly loving and cared for my needs as a child. However, I got introduced to drugs at a very young age. My drug use was off and on through my teenage years, but I became full-blown addict in my 20’s. For over ten years, I experienced many horrible consequences of chemical addiction. I had no relationship with God. My relationships with my family, friends, and girlfriends were shattered. I lost jobs. I broke the law and experienced legal consequences. My finances were terrible. I became addicted to pornography. I had two suicide attempts. I was in and out of emergency rooms and treatment centers…And I could go on

 

What happened?

Between 1997 and 2003 I went to seven treatment centers. Until the last one, I never experienced more than 5.5 months of ‘sobriety,’ but on February 19th of 2003, I surrendered. I admitted that in my own power, my life was unmanageable. Step 1, Admit says, “WE ADMIT WE ARE POWERLESS OVER OUR ADDICTIONS, BROKENNESS AND SINFUL PATTERNS - THAT IN OUR OWN POWER OUR LIVES ARE UNMANAGEABLE.”

 

What I learned:

  1. There are certainly benefits to a treatment center. Treatment centers removed me from unhealthy environments. It offered a safe place for me to begin to form new habits rather than relying on drugs. It stabilized my eating, sleeping, and working patterns. It allowed me to build friendships with others trying to get well. It helped me establish boundaries for healthy living.
  2. Treatment centers do not keep you sober. I went to seven of them. The last treatment center kicked me out. The good things I learned in a controlled environment didn’t always translate into daily living in an uncontrolled environment in the real world.
  3. Treatment centers don’t make you reach your “bottom.” I wasn’t ready to be well until I was ready to surrender to God. Surrender is a heart issue, not an environment or treatment issue.
  4. Many treatment centers or 12 step programs without Christ, fail to address the real problem. It wasn’t better friends, better boundaries, better habits that sobered me up. I had a heart problem. My purpose was to serve my own desires. Until my heart was broken and turned to the only one who could cure it, Jesus Christ, all treatment failed me. I needed a new heart with new desires.
  5. Only Jesus Christ can give you a new heart and new spirit.
    Ezekiel 36:26, “Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”

  2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature;   the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

 

When I arrived back in Dallas in 2008, I began to see the deeper issues that were hiding in my heart. Though I wasn’t taking drugs, I was still overwhelmed by problems with girls, money, people pleasing, fears, etc. All these things left me feeling empty, too. I discovered that I had God shaped hole in my heart that only He could fill. As I turned my life over to Christ, began to read and understand the Bible, and allowed godly men to speak into my life, something radically changed for me—you guessed it, my heart. Today, the peace that surpasses all understanding is one of His gifts…not because my life is perfect, but because Jesus is perfect and He lives in my heart. Freedom in Christ is so much more than sobriety from my addiction. True freedom comes from a relationship with Christ and affects every area of life.

 

Sometimes, treatment centers provide a healthy environment for surrender to Christ, other times, they do not. But, any treatment without Christ at its center is just a Band-Aid for a mortal wound. Christ wants you to experience the fullness of a new life through a relationship with Him. It’s not where you surrender your heart to Christ that matters, but rather, it is the one to whom you surrender that makes all the difference.

-Marcello U.

 

For more information on Substance Abuse visit the Struggles section of our website.

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recovery in Christ when life is broken.