recovery in Christ when life is broken

Showing items filed under “God's Will”

Why Should I Not Kill Myself?

I loaded my shotgun, flipped off the safety and put the barrel to my head. In my mind, life was no longer worth living. But something kept me from going through with it.



What would happen to me afterward? I didn’t know if I truly wanted to end my life or if my pain was just too great to know what to do next. Ultimately, thankfully, I was afraid to go through with it…and, deep down, I don’t think I actually wanted to.


What I won’t tell you…

I’m not going to list a bunch of anecdotal things to try or whatever else those 50 reasons not to kill yourself lists say when I googled it. When I was in that dark place, those things would have been insulting or laughable. So, I’m going straight to the root of the issue.


Why not kill yourself?

To be frank, in case you don’t read any further,…because what awaits you after death may be infinitely worse than the hell you are in now.


Does everyone who commits suicide go to Hell?

No. BUT…not everyone goes to heaven. So this merits thinking and truth. Let’s look at some reasons to live:


Why should I not kill myself?

  1. Death won’t solve the problem. Ultimately, your problems are spiritual problems. Your spirit continues after death. The torment in this life is NOTHING compared to the torment of Hell. If you die before receiving the forgiveness of your sins by trusting in Jesus as your LORD and Savior, you will spend eternity in Hell. This is not narrow minded or fear-mongering; it is true and loving. It would be hateful to know that eternity in Hell awaited someone and not tell them the only way to eternal life.
  2. Suicide is Satan’s will and desire for you…and you don’t want to follow him. The Bible says that you have an enemy named Satan. His aim is to keep people in sin and lead them to death separated from God. If he does so before they trust Jesus, they will spend forever in Hell tormented with him. Satan hates God and wants to destroy God’s most precious creation: YOU! Do not follow Satan by killing yourself.
  3. It is the most selfish thing you can do. This may seem insensitive, but it’s a loving statement: Life is NOT about you. Many people despair because they are so focused on themselves and their situation. God doesn’t intend for us to live like that. Self-focus leads to self-pity leads to self-preservation, including self-harm/self-murder (“I’ll kill myself so that you can’t hurt me anymore”). But what if life is not about you? What if our existence has a higher divine purpose? To move beyond self-focus in this world and into a higher calling of life’s eternal purpose. This is what God says the entirety of the Bible is: to love God and love others (Matthew 22:36-40).
  4. Death is not your decision to make. God has ordained every day of your life. It’s not for you to determine the day of your death. He designed you to know Him through Christ and to carry out a divine purpose. He wants to bring you life, peace, and joy – now and forever. Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes (God’s) saw my unformed substance; in your book (the book of life) were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.”
  5. Suicide allows bullies, abusers, and haters to win. If you’re considering this because of what someone has done to you, don’t let them win. Don’t let hatred and injuries you have suffered have the final say. Don’t fight hate with self-hate or self-murder. Your life has great value. Run to God and let him vindicate you.
  6. If you have trusted in Jesus, you will still be held accountable for your suicide. If you have trusted in Jesus, then your life is not your own. Committing suicide is against God’s will. Your sins will be forgiven, including the sin of self-murder, but you will have to answer to God for your rebellion. “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil” (2 Corinthians 5:10). If you commit suicide, you will die without finishing the good work God has planned for you. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10)
  7. Killing yourself is foolish, cowardly, and sick. Sometimes we imagine a grandiose memorial or that suicide would be vengeance on those who harmed us. The truth is, people would pause for a funeral service, then life will move on…people will have birthdays, celebrate holidays, get married, have babies. The desire for remembrance is fueled by pride…pride is bad reason to kill yourself. The desire for vengeance is fueled by hate…another bad reason to kill yourself. And, vengeance belongs to God. You will not be around to witness the aftermath of your death anyway.
  8. Lastly, it’s often darkest before the dawn. Many peoples’ lives change dramatically when they are at their breaking point. It is often when people truly surrender their lives and wills to God and stop living for themselves. I am one of those people. I wanted to kill myself in 2005. I was alone, filled with despair, hopelessness, hatred, unforgiveness, addiction, and anguish. Within a few months, though my circumstances were the same, I was filled with joy, peace, hope, purpose, love, forgiveness, and an entirely new life. What made the difference? I realized that I had been living for myself and calling all the shots. My decisions had caught up with me and I wanted to die. Then, I knelt beside the couch that I was living on and gave my life to God. I trusted Jesus and asked him to save me. EVERYTHING CHANGED. He didn’t make me better; Jesus made me NEW! That’s the good news of Jesus for YOU, too: God loves you. He sent Jesus to die for your sins. Christ rose from the dead, showing He was not just a man. If you trust in Him, He will give you a new life, forgiveness of sins and you will live forever where there is no pain or tears.


There are MANY reasons for wanting to die. Some of God’s most faithful people (for example, Elijah and Jonah) were hurt so badly that they wished God would let them die. The pain of life is real. But, the answer is never suicide. God can heal your pain, redeem it, and use it for good if you give it to Him. Pray to Jesus right now. He WILL help you! And…so will His people…


If you are still considering suicide, reach out to a local church and tell them what you are thinking. Tell them you are thinking about suicide, and need to know about the hope of Jesus Christ and how to have eternal life. If you still are feeling the pull the kill yourself, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

-John E.


For more information check our the Self-Injury topic in the Struggles section of our website.

How Do I Know God's Plan?

Knowing the will of God has always been a bit of a mystery for me. I recently shared a struggle with a group of friends. One of them told me immediately that he “received a word” from God on what I should do. I wish that I could hear God’s audible voice, but He has not communicated with me in this way. As with my friend, many people have varying opinions on how to discern God’s will.

I am not convinced that God talks audibly to many people, but I am convinced that He has already revealed much of His will through “His Word,” the Bible. I also believe that through His Word, prayer, and His people, God reveals His sovereign plan for our lives over time.

We can and should know God’s revealed will through the Bible. To know His plan for us, we must pray (Proverbs 3:6), study what God has already said, and trust Him to orchestrate the rest for our good (Romans 8:28). God’s sovereign will for our lives today will never contradict what He has already revealed through Scripture. He tells us to meditate and memorize His Word (Joshua 1:8, Colossians 3:16), so that we can internalize how He wants us to live daily. If you are like me, I sometimes have difficulty spending any time in God’s Word, let alone committing it to memory.  

While God sovereignly directs the course of our lives, He does not always immediately reveal the specifics of our path (like who to marry or which house to buy). Why not? Because He wants us to learn how to trust Him when things are not clear, and to rely upon the resources He has provided to grow our faith and character.

Can we know His specific direction for our lives today, if there is not a clear biblical answer? Yes, and no! God wants us to pray, pouring our desires, fears, concerns, and frustrations to him (James 1:5). He wants us to search His Word for answers, and to follow His will even when we don’t understand (Romans 11:33-34). He also wants us to open our lives to other Christians so that the Holy Spirit can work through our like minded relationships (Proverbs 18:1). Through prayer, His Word, and His people, God sovereignly directs our daily decisions while teaching us to trust Him in authentic fellowship of other Christians.

Without prayer, knowing God’s Word, or the wisdom of other Christians, it is easy to make bad decisions based on feelings (like marrying a non-Christian or amassing debt by falling into the trap of materialism).

God’s plan for my life is more peaceful when I spend time with Him in prayer, study His Word, and seek godly counsel from my Christian community. His path for me is clearer when I remain focused on doing what He has already revealed in Scripture. I may not have an immediate answer for every decision, but through the resources He has provided, I have come to know God deeper and trust His character.  Ultimately, He is the source of my joy and satisfaction in life.


God wants the best for His children (Romans 8:27-29). Each decision we make in life may not turn out perfect, but if I avoid the patterns of the World, pursue God with all my heart (Deuteronomy 6:5-6, Romans 12:1-2), seek godly counsel to avoid blind spots (Proverbs 15:22), and trust Him with the final decision, I like my probability for God’s blessing as I live daily in His sovereign plan.

-Shawn P.


recovery in Christ when life is broken.