recovery in Christ when life is broken

I Can't Stop Looking at Porn

“Ugh. I can’t believe I just watched that. Okay, that was the last time…for real this time, I’ll stop looking at porn tomorrow. What would my family and friends think if they knew I always do this? I’m a fraud Christian.”

These were just some of the thoughts that would run through my head nearly every time I looked at pornography. I viewed porn for the first time when I was nine years old and was not able to stop looking at it for the next sixteen years. The adrenaline rush of doing something wrong intoxicated me. Every perversion in the world was at my fingertips. Proverbs 26:11 says “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool that returns to his folly.” No matter how hard I tried, I could not stop looking at porn and masturbating.

This Brought Death

My addiction to porn harmed my well-being. I stopped enjoying things that used to bring me joy because all I could think about was watching porn. No matter what I was doing, if I saw a pretty girl, all I wanted to do was find her look-alike on a porn website and fantasize about having sex with her. I wasn't in control of porn, porn controlled me. Finally, a few years into my adult life I realized my problem with porn wasn’t something that I was going to outgrow. My addiction had followed me into adulthood, and it wasn’t planning on going away. I had to search for freedom.

How I Found Freedom In Christ

  • I admitted my problem. For years I was in denial that I was addicted to porn. I thought that addiction was something that only happened to alcoholics or drug addicts. Surely I could never be classified as an “addict.” Many people who use porn on a continual basis refuse to admit that they are addicted. If you are unable to stop, you are addicted. Admitting addiction is necessary. (Romans 7:18)
  • I believed that God could heal me. For sixteen years I tried by my own strength to be free from porn. While depending on my own strength, an occasional few porn-free months was the best that I could do. I needed to believe the truth that God has the ability and desire to free me, and trust His power to change me. (Psalm 103:2-5)
  • I confessed my addiction to a friend and asked him to hold me accountable. It is a daily battle not to look at porn, and because of that, I needed to commit to 24-hour sobriety. Until I was able to find freedom, my friend texted me every night to ask if I had looked at porn that day. (James 5:16)
  • I repented by removing access to porn and relying on God daily. Though I knew what I was doing was wrong, the only action I was taking was to feel bad for myself (which led me to look at more porn). I needed to repent by turning from sin to God, not just feel bad every time I did it again (2 Timothy 2:22, Romans 2:15). In Matthew 5:29-30, Jesus says that no measure is too extreme to prevent yourself from sinning. I realized I needed to cut off access to porn. I installed monitoring software on my computer, sold my smart TV, activated parental controls on games, deleted apps from my iPhone, and removed non-monitored web browsers from my phone. I didn't leave easy loopholes for myself (Romans 13:14). Then, every morning I would turn to God by reading my Bible and praying. This practice helped redirect my thoughts to God, reminding myself daily that true life is found in a relationship with Jesus Christ, not my sexual desires. I would ask God daily for strength to not look at porn and memorize scripture to help me fight temptation (John 10:10, 1 Corinthians 10:13, 2 Corinthians 10:5).

Today, I can joyfully say that I am free from an addiction to pornography. I was not free from my addiction overnight, just like I did not become addicted overnight. The process took time and was not easy. Sometimes, I am tempted to go back to my old ways, but now that my addiction is gone, I see the danger more clearly. I used to be a slave to pornography. I now walk in the freedom offered by Jesus Christ. Will you join me?  

-Calvin S.

 

For more information, check out the Pornography topic in the Struggles section of our website.

How To Get Sober From An Addiction To… Porn, Drugs, Pills, Alcohol, Sex, Gambling, et al.

Walking into my first recovery meeting, I thought, “This is worthless. I don’t need a meeting with a bunch of quasi-ex-addicts telling old war stories about their binges. I need serious help…I need to get free from alcoholism and a meeting like this isn’t helping.”

Do you know what? I was right. 90 meetings in 90 days doesn’t get you sober…it might be of short-term help because it’s not 90 days in 90 bars, but 90 meetings won’t change your life long-term. How can I say that? Because the root problem isn’t where you spend your time or even what you put in your body; the root problem is spiritual. Whether you’re reading the Big Book or the Bible, both say the same: God alone gets you sober and keeps you sober (don’t be surprised they say the same thing…AA originated as a Bible Study). As it’s been said, “Alcohol wasn’t my problem; it was my solution.” Alcohol, pills, sex, porn, gambling, etc. is just the numbing solution to inner spiritual pain.

When I began recovery, I couldn’t imagine staying sober a week, let alone a month. I didn’t want to be sober and I didn’t know how to live without alcohol. What would I do after work? At a wedding? On vacation? On weekends? I didn’t have a category for life without my drug of choice because it had become central to every area of my life.

A guy who I had known for all of 5 minutes at that first meeting asked me, “Will you commit, by God’s strength, to staying sober for the next 24 hours?” I said, “Charlie, you don’t understand…I can go one day without drinking, but I need serious long-term help.” He said, “Don’t worry about that. Will you go 24 hours, by God’s strength? Don’t do it on your own; it has to be by God’s strength.” “Fine,” I said. “Good,” he replied, “call me this time tomorrow and let me know how you did.”

“Hey Charlie. Sober 24 hours.”

“By God’s strength?”

“Yes.”

“Want to go another 24?”

“Fine, but…”

“But nothing. Want to go another 24?”

“Yes.”

Another day passed.

“Hey Charlie. Sober 24 hours.”

Why do I tell you all that? Because that question, is what I’ve been asking myself daily for the last 10 years. Since that night on December 27th, 2005, and I haven’t had a drink.

So what made 24 hours seem so easy to say yes to and what made the thought of staying sober for a year, let alone 10, seem so impossible? The answer again is God.

And after 12 years of alcoholism, 24 hours of sobriety turned into a week, turned into a month, turned into three months, turned into a year, turned into 10 years. I never dreamed I could be sober 10 years…and the truth is, I couldn’t on my own. But, by walking with God daily, surrendering each day to Him, I could be sober one day at a time… for 10 years (3650 days).

Many of us trapped in addiction or harmful habits have tried quitting or making resolutions (Have you already relapsed from your New Year’s resolution?), but those attempts failed in frustration. But, what if, by God’s strength, you could stay sober for 24 hours? Just one day. Don’t worry about a year from now or the rest of your life – just 24 hours. Could you do that?

We believe that with God’s help, anyone with any addiction could stay sober for 24 hours. Soon 24 hour periods will string together to make a week, then a month and then years. But no single 24 hour commitment can be done apart from God. Jesus tells us to seek God and his will – only for today – and not to worry about tomorrow. God’s solution for us is walking with him one day at a time. Don’t worry about tomorrow – just seek him and his will for 24 hours.

“But seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6.33-34)

So what do you think? By God’s strength, will you commit to staying sober for the next 24 hours?

If the answer is yes, call a trusted friend and tell him or her that by God’s strength you are committing to staying sober for the next 24 hours. Ask that person to pray for you and then report back after the 24 hours is complete. Make this a daily practice as you seek God and his will…this is accountability.

And then you might pray: “God, please keep me sober for the next 24 hours by your perfect strength. Teach me to seek you and your will today. Thank you for helping me.”

-John E.

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recovery in Christ when life is broken.